I wish you wanted to spend as much time with me as I do with you.
It feels like we’re circling each other. Whenever we are together, we’re good. But when we’re away from each other it feels so distant. It feels as if there’s more than eight miles between us. I try so hard to make you a part of my life, but it feels like I’m barely a part of yours. It’s like you have separate lives. There’s your life with me, and there’s your life everywhere else. What about me? How about you spoil me for once?
I pride myself in being an independent woman, but I appreciate being pampered from time to time. I appreciate knowing that I need to be impressed. Impress me, please.
I am in such a shitty mood because every relationship I have is going to shit. Pushing him away and not talking to him makes everything worst. But I get like this all the time. I push us so close to the edge and every time he pulls us back. Every time. I want to keep pushing until he lets go. It always happens, inevitable. Let’s speed up the process. I want heart break.
Things never change. No matter how much time passes, I revert back to the serial dater I tried desperately not to be. I can’t imagine not loving him, but I can’t imagine going on like this. It hurts too much, the give and take.
Merry Christmas to me! Finals stress and work stress has my cycle completely out of wack. The motor for my home’s heater decided to stop working last night. I am broke as fuck. I am unnecessarily mean to my grandfather. I pushed my boyfriend away when I need him most. I have turned into a monster.