It’s funny for me to finish the year having had only one boy in my life. I search endlessly for some date that went bad or some boy I was mean to and all I find is him. Staring back at me with his eyes wide open, taking in every detail I hate about myself. And he continues to stare and smile. Every god damn day, he stares and smiles. Sometimes it makes me want to punch him in the face because how can he just stare at me and be content with that? Idiot! He could do some much better. He could find someone who will stare at him and smile back. He should. But I’m too selfish and scared. A year has passed and we continue this cycle of anger, content, and love. I hope I can write about this again in a year. I dream of it. A year, ten, thirty five, one hundred.
Never gonna fully trust my boyfriend because his best friend is smart, beautiful, and will understand him far better than I do for the rest of our lives. Apparently, I’m too selfish to understand.
Sorry if I don’t tolerate being an emotional punching bag for your woes. I never let the things outside of our relationship affect us. I don’t care how “selfish” I come off. Learn to love it, or leave it.